Saturday, February 19, 2005

Hi, I'm back. Now, why does the whole world groan so much everytime I say this? Of course, before I forget since I have a slimy bunch of seaweed as a pathetic excuse for a brain, I have to add to my love letter that after my shoes which were on me were finally taken off, everyone fainted and all the seaweed and other slimy plants in my pond withered! I wonder why..

I tried asking them but they wouldn't wake up, and when they finally did, they smelt my feet again and fainted! Luckily someone managed to keep awake long enough (by clipping a BIG BIG clothes peg over her nose) to make me put my feet in a BIG pail of mixture of detergent, dettol, and practically all the soap in the world! Of course, she didn't DARE to touch my feet. She told me to put them in myself but I, being a sorry dumbass, did not understand what she said, and could only comprehend after many many hours, which was followed by the whole soaking process.

So that is the sorry reason why I was not able to post about how much I suck and how much I simply adore Lukey Poo for the entire two weeks!

I hope Lukey Poo receives my love letter soon, before I die, since I'm already 198 years old and might die of brain cancer anytime soon. PLEASE REPLY LUKEYPOO!
posted @ 3:42 AM

Saturday, February 05, 2005

Dear Luke Skywalker,
I find it incredibly amazing that you can walk on sky. Of course, I am amazed at almost every single thing anyone does, as I am a freak and cannot tie my own shoelaces at 87. It's so HARD! Once I tied this dead knot, and I had to walk around in the shoes for 1 year- they were so TIGHT!- until a kind soul took a pair of scissors and cut off the laces, letting my rotten feet breathe again. New life charged into me. I LIVED! That day became BE DEPRESSED day. Everyone was depressed I was happy.

ANYWAY, I'm just saying how I love the colour of your lightsaber. It's so... lightsaber-ish. My friend Michelle Lee Ying Ying is turning 197 soon, and I want to give her a lightsaber as a present, to show her my gratitude of standing there by me, making dumb comments with the Queen and her lowly sidekick Ugenie. Can you lend me yours?

I also wanted to write to you to profess my FAITH IN YOU. If ever a bad guy were to kidnap me, I would call 'LUKEYPOO!' and you'd come charging from the sky. I did that once, and they let me go immediately! The policemen said they were just so startled that an awful toad (literally) like me could talk. I ran.

Love,
Chinahock.

P.S.: I am attracted to someone other than you! Noooooooooo, Lukey Poo! It's that hunk from chinese calligraphy. I love the way the sun reflects so sexily off his shiny bald head, and the way his white hair is positively gleaming. I love the way his dirty gray eyes hold all the depth of the black calligraphy ink. I love the way his two assistants fawn and throw themselves all over him. I love the jealousy gnawing away. I am hopelessly in love with him. Maybe that's why I flirt with him so much.

Sent to:
Mr Luke Skywalker
A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

If not sent, please return to:
Slimiest pond on Earth.
posted @ 9:40 PM

Sunday, January 30, 2005

I refuse to admit it! I simply refuse! I refuse to admit I'm a sorry fatass with absolutely no brain at all! I refuse to admit I'm so ugly I break everything I see. I refuse to admit I can't walk through the forest without causing an earthquake. I refuse to admit I'm not allowed to cut the rubber sap thingy because the whole tree will wither straight away when I touch it. I refuse to admit that I break every bowl I'm supposed to clean and I lick up all the remaining rubber and convert it into my very own frogspit. I refuse to believe not a single person in the entire world likes me like they should! But its true! I'm self-denial! I AM a sorry fatass with no brain at all! Everything of the above is true! Curtains! I need curtains! Walking through the curtains will make me feel like a model once again! Ok, off I go to walk through curtains once more.

posted @ 1:31 AM

Saturday, January 29, 2005

Hi, I am CHINAHOCK. I'd just like to say that I'm a big fat toot and that my existence on Earth is pitiful. My ambition is to be a model, but unfortunately, the modelling agency only accepts people lighter than a ton. And I'm a ton and two kg. Oh well. My momma said everyone weighs more than a ton. My students said my momma is mad.

Anyway, I am a freak. I like to shout at students for no reason then feel awful for doing so. Then, I confiscate people's english homework for NO APPARENT REASON and then I edge up to that student's form teacher, purposely proclaiming the misdeeds of the student. Then the form teacher laughs about me along with the students. I am such a moron.

When I stride through the red packets some watermelon girl has hung up, I feel like a model. It is the only way for me to do so. I must do so. I must feel like one. It is my only hope, like that Luke Skywalker guy. I think Skywalker is so incredibly sexy. I wanna be Chinahock Skywalker!!! But I can't walk on sky!

... Nevermind. Neither can Lukey-poo!

Oh man! What did I do? Lukey-poo is running running away from me!

AHHH! LUKEY! COME BACK!

Goodbye, I shall come back and feel like a model once more.

posted @ 5:06 AM